How to Build Rapport With Coaching Clients Over Video

The short answer: rapport is harder over video because you lose eye contact, you watch yourself the whole time, and every signal has to squeeze through a small box. Hide your self-view, frame and light yourself properly, protect the silences, let clients look away, and fix the eye line by moving the camera to where your client's face is using a More Connection Cam.

In a room, you're good at this.

You know when to lean in and when to sit back. You hold a silence until the client fills it. You catch the flicker that says there's more to the story.

Then you open Zoom and become a talking head in a rectangle, nodding a bit too hard so the nod survives the compression.

You're still good at this. The setup is working against you. So let's fix the setup.

Why is rapport harder on video?

Stanford researcher Jeremy Bailenson studies video calls, and he names four things that wear people out on them:

1. Too many faces that are too big and too close, looking roughly at you the whole time.
2. The extra effort of sending signals on purpose, like exaggerated nods and centring yourself in the frame.
3. Watching yourself. Self-view works like a mirror you can't leave.
4. Being stuck in one spot, because moving means leaving the frame.

Add one more that matters most for rapport: you can't make real eye contact. Your webcam sits above the screen, so when you look at your client's face, you appear to look down. When you look into the lens to seem engaged, you can't see them.

The lesson: on video, part of your attention goes on managing the call. Every fix below hands some of it back to the client.

6 ways to build rapport over video

1. Hide your self-view once you've checked your framing. Bailenson suggests exactly this. You'll stop auditing your own face mid-session.
2. Frame for presence. Head and shoulders, camera at eye level, light in front of you rather than a window behind you. Clients read faces, so give them one to read.
3. Protect the silences. On video, a long pause can feel like the connection has frozen. Say so at the start: "If I go quiet, I'm thinking, and you can too." Then let the silences run.
4. Let clients look away. People look away to think. A client staring at the floor before answering is working on your question. You should be allowed to look away, and so should they.
5. Use the lens for the moments that land. When you reflect back something important, look into the camera for that sentence. Then return to their face.
6. Fix the eye line. Move the camera to where your client's face is, so you can look at them and they see you doing it.

The lesson: rapport over video comes from the same things as in person. You just have to remove more obstacles first.

Moving the camera to your client's face

The More Connection Cam is a foldable hood that hooks over the top of your laptop or monitor. An angled two-way mirror sits in front of the screen and lets about 85% of the light through. Your phone lies in the base with its camera facing up, and the mirror puts the lens in the middle of the screen, where your client's face is.

Your phone becomes the webcam, and it works with Zoom, Microsoft Teams, Google Meet, FaceTime and any other app that lets you choose a camera. No software touches your face. When you glance down at your notes, your client sees that too.

Your clients don't need one for you to look at them. If you work with someone long term and both of you have a Cam, you can look each other in the eye.

What coaches say

"There's been a lot more depth and connection when we open up and we have a More Connection Cam present, because of the eye contact." Mallory, executive leadership coach and neurocoach (received a free Cam)

"I can see the screen clearly and focus on my client, and it feels so much more natural. My clients have even told me that they feel more seen and more heard." Kristina, founder of The Co-created Hub (received a free Cam)

Who it isn't for

• Coaches who work from a phone or tablet. It needs a laptop or monitor screen at least 30.5 cm (12 in) wide.
• Anyone who needs it working in the next ten minutes. It uses your phone as the webcam, so set it up and test it before a client session. A setup video covers every phone and computer combination.
• Coaches who rarely run sessions on video. For one video call a month, the free fixes above will do most of the work.

It costs £45, ships worldwide, and comes with 30-day returns.

The point

Your coaching skills didn't stop working when sessions moved online. Clear the setup out of the way, and the client gets all of them again.

Quick questions

Does it work with Zoom? Yes. It works with Zoom and any other video call app on your computer that lets you choose a camera.

Do my clients need one? No. With your Cam, your clients see you looking at them. For eye contact both ways, they'd need one too.

Can I use it with an external monitor? Yes, as long as the screen is at least 30.5 cm (12 in) wide and its top edge is no more than 3.6 cm (1.4 in) thick.

Sources

• Bailenson, J. N. (2021). Nonverbal overload: A theoretical argument for the causes of Zoom fatigue. Technology, Mind, and Behavior.